Sex for Smart People*

OOOOOOOOH BYE: THE LAST EPISODE?!?

David McGee — Wed, 03 May 2017 18:02:27 +0000

Dear Listeners: SFSP, in this form, is ending. BUT! It will be evolving into a new podcast in about a year!! Rather than being about sex and love through a lens of our collective liberation as SFSP has been, the new podcast will be about our collective liberation at large (transformative justice! consent culture! dismantling white supremacy! systems shift + widespread cultural healing! queering everything!) without shying away from things having to do with sex + bodies + desire that so often get swept under the rug. We’d love love love to stay in conversation with you in the meanwhile and beyond! Please stay subscribed to our feed, and/or you can join our mailing list at sexforsmartpeople.com to make certain that you hear about what we are up to next. All the episodes will stay up and available, so feel free to keep sharing with loved ones, as well! If you want to stay in touch with Dave, follow him on Twitter @davidjmcgee. And Ryan would love to stay connected to you in all the ways, including through their new dating app for kinky people (trykinkedin.com) and through their coaching practice (sexandrelationshipscoaching.com). It’s been a huge joy and honor to make this thing with each other and in conversation our guests and with all of you. Thank you thank you thank you for tuning in!

Episode 30: Authenticity and Intentionality and Tenderness, oh yes yes YES!

David McGee — Thu, 03 Nov 2016 01:18:59 +0000

Rev. Alba Onofrio shares about their journey to embracing relationship and family beyond default scripts/labels and their work as spiritual director of Soulforce, holding authenticity and intentionality as paramount, fighting for the lives of queer and trans people everywhere! We collectively address listener questions including: How do I raise my son when I see the world as such a hostile and terrifying place, especially after the Pulse massacre? A bisexual cis woman in a relationship with a straight cis dude wonders: do I have a right to claim the term queer? We also jam about the connection of Christian Supremacy to rape culture, consent that goes far deeper than the tactical or “asking permission”, and queer identity as a rallying cry / call to action / politically based orientation to the world based in an experience of marginalization. Shout outs about the book “Revolutionary Mothering: Love On the Front Lines” to which Alba contributed, the movie “Captain Fantastic”, the Sexual Liberation Collective, and Soulforce’s healing take on the Sodom and Gomorrah story.

A Collection of Queer Love Notes, post-Pulse

David McGee — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 15:11:18 +0000

We found that our queer communities, friends, and families pulled together in some fucking beautiful ways to support one another in the moments and weeks after the massacre at Pulse. We wanted to create something that shows our intense sense of community, shows how we love at the same time as mourn and rage. So here is a collection of messages of love sent between and among queer folks in the weeks following June 12th. Thank you to everyone who contributed!

Episode 29: Reflections on Orlando // Sexuality From a Place of Wholeness

David McGee — Fri, 24 Jun 2016 15:33:26 +0000

We are honored to be joined by actress/activist/founder-of-TransTech Angelica Ross. Hear why she believes most people are in relationships for the wrong reasons and that relationships are best when thought of as prolonged period of discovery. We address the misunderstanding of the term sex positive as pressure to have more sex than you want to, queering as a force for good, learning what your body says “yes” to in life AND in sex, and how to full our honor the fucked up truth of now and also full out hold our responsibility to imagine alternatives. When you are dating or hooking up with a new person, at what point is it important to disclose you are trans? What do you do when you and your partner both want an open relationship but you feel overwhelmed by jealousy? How do you get to be more pleasure-oriented than orgasm-centric? Plus shout outs about the amazing webseries HerStory (by and for queer and trans women, featuring Angelica Ross!), taking a walk around your neighborhood, and the beauty and importance of queer and trans choirs.

A Collection of Coming Out Stories!

David McGee — Wed, 08 Jun 2016 05:39:57 +0000

The surprising stuff, the mundane stuff, the way folks felt like they were always out or felt like they never came out at all: A moving/many-splendored collection of coming out stories that break from the most traditional narratives. This is the first of what will be many more episodes that feature stories from YOU, dear listeners. May we all be more deeply invited into radical wonder and radical welcoming toward ourselves and others, and may we keep working toward a world in which everyone is free and safe to be open about all of who they are.

Episode 28: We Need To Complicate What It Means…

David McGee — Mon, 16 May 2016 03:01:18 +0000

Dylan Marron! It’s Dylan Marron! Writer/performer Dylan Marron joins us for a wildly multi-faceted conversation about various and sundry things including: In a longterm relationship, what do you do when you feel like you are not connecting at all anymore and that talking about things gets in the way of your already-too-infrequent sex life? When you are playing matchmaker for friends, how much do you need to disclose about them to the other? Also: sex as conversation, setting intentions in sex and conversation, where focus goes energy goes, naming how you are feeling in the moment, an interview collage about marriage from the Love Songs for the Rest of Us tour, ways of thinking about the default script of “bros before hos”, widening collective circles of care, treat your friends as lovers and your lovers as friends, cheers to the power of chosen family in all of its many forms, #gaymediasowhite, ice cream, “13 questions to ask before getting married”, The Affair, Dreamgirls, Michael R. Jackson, complex feelings about Transparent, the amazing new webseries: HerStory, and trans narratives in the media in general.

CROSSBROADCAST: Shit and Shame with Shawn Shafner

David McGee — Tue, 26 Apr 2016 20:06:56 +0000

Liberating conversations about sex and shit from the extremes of knee-jerk shame response and gratuitous grotesqueness is not easy. So we teamed up with our friend Shawn “The Puru” Shafner for this crossbroadcast with his podcast! We collectively address questions including: What if you are grossed out by anal sex but your partner is really into it? How to navigate safety concerns with scat play? And we jam out about various and sundry things like bearing the vulnerability of another and being able to bear one’s own vulnerability. Menstruation, runny noses, and other leaky fluids. Being seen and accepted in your entirety is the sexiest. Did we mention there’s a whale choir? Oh yeah. There’s a whale choir. And check out more episodes of Shawn’s podcast at:http://apple.co/1WQm6D4

Episode 27: Get Rid of the Idea that Sex Can Be Easy

David McGee — Tue, 29 Mar 2016 20:17:29 +0000

Healing from trauma, holding compassion and rage at the same time, transformative + restorative justice in response to sexual assault, the just world fallacy, the sexiness of holding nuance and complexity, noticing who we can communicate with based on our positionality, ways of holding safe space for a person who has experienced trauma, the beauty of leading with vulnerability, welcoming loved one’s whole selves (including their wounds), moving away from default scripts about bodies + gender + sex acts, listening each other into fullness, fuck the Valentine’s Day Industrial Complex, fuck the idea that love can or should be contained in any way, and fuck the idea that love is a finite resource. We are oh so honored and grateful that Andy Izenson (activist, attorney, consent + alternative justice models educator) joined us in this doozy of a conversation, full of much darkness and much love and much light.

Briefs: Heroes, Monsters, and David Bowie

David McGee — Sun, 31 Jan 2016 17:17:24 +0000

How do we hold rage about abuses of power AND ALSO allow space for honoring an inspiring queer icon? How might we sit in uncomfortable nuance in order to transcend the shouting match that followed Bowie’s death? Aida Manduley joins us to discuss how celebration and critique need not be mutually exclusive, through a lens of radical love and transformative justice.

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Links and Resources!

Time To Mourn or Call Out? by Aida Manduley

transformative justice

restorative justice

related: a full PDF of The Revolution Starts at Home: Confronting Partner Abuse in Activist Communities edited by Ching-In Chen, Jai Dulani, and Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha

Episode 26: Gender & Privilege, Heartbreak & Healing

David McGee — Fri, 18 Dec 2015 18:59:02 +0000

We are honored and grateful to be joined by the multi-talented, many-splendored Shakina Nayfack, who shares about her most recent show, Post-Op, and her deep commitment to community and care in art-making. We collectively address conundrums from listeners, including: what do you do when you want to cultivate a more compassionate point of view toward trans people, but it feels challenging to you? And what about when the people you want to have sex with are not ever the same people you want to have a relationship with? Plus nods to Hamilton, Wordsworth, Richard Bock, #allofwhoyouare, various ways of thinking about virginity, the importance of simultaneously holding celebration AND critique, and the beauty of chosen family.

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And here’s Shakina sharing what is most important to her to communicate about sex and relationships:

And here’s a roundup of resources from the episode:

PEOPLE AND PLACES

Shakina Nayfack

Musical Theatre Factory

READABLES (BOOKS, PLAYS, POEMS, PERSONAL NARRATIVES)

One Woman Show

Transgender Today (New York Times series)

I’m From Driftwood

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron

Caroline, Or Change by Tony Kushner and Jeanine Tesori

Dao De Jing: The Book of the Way by Laozi

Jagged Little Pill by Alanis Morissette

Vagina by Naomi Wolf

Hamilton

Lines Composed a Few Miles above Tintern Abbey, On Revisiting the Banks of the Wye during a Tour by William Wordsworth

Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach

“When we allow our own light to shine, we unconsciously allow other people to do the same.” by Marianne Williamson

Briefs: What We Talk About When We Talk About Gender

David McGee — Thu, 10 Dec 2015 02:16:28 +0000

We sometimes stumble and/or feel overwhelmed (and maybe you do, too?) when trying to talk about gender and bodies in the most inclusive way, so we are reaching out for help! In this (brief!) Briefs episode, Stephanie shares about a time when she was wrong, and she examines the defenses that came up in her and ways of moving beyond them. And we are so glad that Jamie Beckenstein joins us to share his perspectives on this and to invite us into wise and compassionate ways of thinking about all this. Also! We share some great listener responses to past episodes (our listeners are the sexiest).

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Here’s a bonus video from Jamie, in which he talks about what he most wants to communicate to the world about sex and relationships:

Episode 25: Ethical Sluttiness and the Nuance of Openness

David McGee — Fri, 30 Oct 2015 16:58:28 +0000

Dossie Easton (hero of ours, trailblazer in the realm of authenticity/communication/sexual freedom, author of several books including “The Ethical Slut”) joins us, and we are so freaking honored!! We discuss how to find out what your needs and desires are in the first place, the value of making time to explore about learn about sex, creating no fault exploration zones, unlearning shame, managing jealousy, the basics of rope bondage. And what to do when you are a woman in a monogamous marriage with a man, but you are realizing you have a strong attraction to women? Plus: shout outs about joy and wonderment, an interfaith symposium on sexuality, the many different ways of being in and out of the closet, info about Stephanie’s coaching practice, sneak preview tracks from the Love Songs for the Rest of Us album, and the mighty return of the crowd source question!

Here’s a round up of resources from the episode:

People!
Books!
- The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
- The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
- The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
- Radical Ecstasy by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
- Why God Won’t Go Away: Brain Science and the Biology of Belief by Andrew Newberg
- Opening Up by Tristan Taormino
- Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality by Hanne Blank
- Faitheist: How an Atheist Found Common Ground with the Religious by Chris Stedman
Articles!
Organizations!
- San Francisco Sex Information
Resources!
Other!
- Christo and Jeanne-Claude’s The Gates
- Baby sees a cat for the first time video!!!!!

Oh Hi! (a brief check-in episode)

admin — Tue, 02 Jun 2015 01:06:19 +0000

We miss you! Where the hell have we been, you ask? Check out this mini episode to find out. Plus, we’ve got a short interview with Chelsea Downs of Amorous Revolt (a queer/kinky camping extravaganza happening in late July). We’ll be officially back in September, and until then, as always, you can let us know your thoughts/ideas/objections/questions at hello@sexforsmartpeople.com. And remember: authenticity and communication are the sexiest!

Episode 24: Fifty Shades of All the Cans of Worms!

David McGee — Fri, 13 Feb 2015 06:28:26 +0000

BDSM guru, activist/performer/writer/woman of many talents: Mollena Williams shares about her renewed hope in love in a full-time master/slave relationship, and her journey with owning her power as a submissive. Boundaries and communication in consensual power play! The many grey areas of consent! The many many complexities of power play and race/class/gender/etc/etc/etc! We collectively address listener questions including: How do you break into BDSM culture? How can a new submissive be sure not to be taken advantage of? If your friend is in a new full-time master/slave relationship and asks you to cc their partner on every email and text (and you’d much rather not do that), does that make your friend a bad kinkster or does that mean that you are a bad friend? Plus, we dish on Fifty Shades of Grey, and Mollena gives a call to action about making new/better kink-focused art.
As always, we’re glad and grateful to be in conversation with all of you! Email us at hello@sfsppodcast.com to let us know your questions/objections/ideas anytime.

Episode 23: Authenticity is the Sexiest

David McGee — Tue, 20 Jan 2015 16:25:01 +0000

OKCupid’s Chief Product Officer, Jimena Almendares, is at the front lines of queering the OKCupid algorithm! And we were fortunate enough to get to talk to her in depth on this episode about how OKC has recently incorporated non-binary gender identities and sexual orientations beyond gay and straight! She also generously shares about her epic personal journey. We collectively address questions from listeners including: someone who asks for pep talk about how to make the most out of online dating, someone who is a gay male and married to a woman wondering if it is kinder to himself and his family to be fully out or not, and someone who is questioning when it is okay to be into people from your same race/class/education background and when your preferences might be harmfully reinforcing systemic oppression. Plus, a shout out about the awesomeness of being single even though our society is couples-obsessed.

REBROADCAST: Episode 1: Dave and Stephanie’s Story + Launch Party Extravaganza!

David McGee — Tue, 23 Dec 2014 16:46:32 +0000

Hey Smart People, if you are new to this podcast, we recommend that you start here. In this episode, recorded live in front of an (amazingly sexy) audience at the Bowery Poetry Club, we share our personal stories, our mission statement and why we are passionate about doing this podcast. We also address queries from the audience about things like: keeping consent talk sexy, starting the conversation about having an open relationship, and beginning to explore the sex party scene. Plus, music performances by Salty Brine, Ian Axness, and BONOBONOBONOBO, and learn what our audience thinks is the sexiest. Our love is what we make of it, yo. We’re so glad and grateful that you are in this conversation with us.

Here’s a video of Stephanie sharing what she most passionately wants to communicate about sex and relationships:

And here’s a roundup of resources and links from Episode One:

Performers!
Salty Brine
ian axness
BONOBONOBONOBO/Love Songs For The Rest Of Us
Books!

Compersion

Thank you so much for being in conversation with us!

Episode 22: Ally is a Verb

David McGee — Mon, 22 Dec 2014 20:27:59 +0000

Love is a verb. Queer is a verb. Ally is a verb. Super wise actvist/writer/poet Janani Balasubramanian is our guest of honor this time. Janani shares a bit about their journey, the importance of slow-hard-awkward conversations & quiet acts of solidarity, and how activism doesn’t feel like a choice for them. We grapple with the civil rights fires that are raging across the nation, the intersections between race/class/gender oppression, and we talk about on-ramps to getting engaged (or getting even more engaged) in working toward undoing that oppression. We collectively address listener questions about preferred pronouns, language around ethical non-monogamy, and how not to fetishize trans and gender non-conforming people if/when you are into them. We feature an amazing poem of Janani’s (find more at queerdarkenergy.com)! Plus, shout outs about the beauty and importance of chosen family, the Women of Color Sexual Health Network, Al Qaws (a queer community organizing platform in Palestine), and self-care as a radical act. Happy ALL of the holidays to everyone!

Episode 21: Consent is Everything

David McGee — Sun, 16 Nov 2014 05:10:00 +0000

On catcalling, Jian Ghomeshi, female orgasm, Gamergate, and more! In this *doozy* of an episode, we are honored to be joined by Miri Mogilevsky. We address listener questions including: Is there something wrong with me if I never have an orgasm without my my clit being stimulated? How do you navigate when you like being objectified and when it makes you feel gross? Do you really have to share everything (in a longterm relationship, is it ok to have anything that’s just yours)? We also throw down about the race dynamics of that catcalling video, consent in the context of consensual power play, the professor/student quagmire at Northwestern University, and California’s new affirmative consent legislation. Plus, shout outs about respecting preferred pronouns, translifeline.com, hope/action in the face of crisis, communication about sex as a juicy form of foreplay, and sex as something you DO – not something you HAVE.

Episode 20: The Second Ever All Quickies Episode!

David McGee — Tue, 28 Oct 2014 14:48:31 +0000

2 guests! So many juicy quickies! Badass writer/comedian Emma Tattenbaum-Fine and sex ed superstar Francisco Ramirez (he’s back!!) join us to throw down about various and sundry things including: sexuality is not a luxury, making decisions based on love (not fear), sex tips from porn star Stoya, taking time to prioritize sex, facts versus feelings, pubic hair, why there are so few women in the film industry, UTIs and yeast infections, puppy play, enjoying sex in a non-traditionally sexual way, “The Sessions” with Helen Hunt, and more. Then we have a longer conversation about when to call shit out versus when to create onramps for dialogue about patriarchy and rape culture – we want YOUR thoughts on this, too. Plus, a special bonus interview segment with Charlie Williams, the founder/developer of the new Cuddlr app!

Episode 19: How I Feel About What You Think About How I Feel About You

David McGee — Fri, 19 Sep 2014 14:28:35 +0000

Somatic sexuality educator Dr. Charlie Glickman of MakeSexEasy.com (and co-author of “The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure”) joins us to discuss his super wise insights on relationships and the nuances of relationships to relationships. He shares some moving stories about helping clients move past sexual shame through hands-on coaching. We collectively address listener questions including: How can I fully express my masculinity without being a dick? When part of the turn-on is not talking about things, how do you establish boundaries? And how do you have a causal hook-up and also be sure you’re not hurting someone? The wide range of possibilities of pleasure in anal sex and the wide range of feelings and fears about anal pleasure. Being bold versus being aggressive. Stephanie and Charlie recommend awesome books about non-violent communication and asexuality, and Dave shares about how he was asked to formally object to yet another wedding. Plus, our first round of happy healthy (and these particular ones are super extra gorgeous) break-up stories. Our listeners are the sexiest AND the most beautiful, yo.

Episode 18: Hold On Tightly, Let Go Lightly, and also… Use Lube!

David McGee — Fri, 08 Aug 2014 08:49:21 +0000

Spoiler alert: we are hugely in favor of lube. Avital Isaacs, burlesque performer and education coordinator for Babeland NYC, is our guest of honor. She shares about her journey in getting comfortable with her own body, her views about bachelorette parties, and how she taught her friends about the clitoris at age 11. Where is the line, in a relationship, where you should keep working on things, or recognize it is not working and move on? Should people break up more, in general? And does anybody really use lube every time they have sex? Is there something wrong with you if you are sometimes “not wet enough” or if certain sex positions actually hurt? How do you find people to date when you are queer, not totally out, and not good at being the initiator? Types of lube that are healthier for your body than others. Some technicalities of anal sex. New legislation on affirmative consent in California. Cheers to the film “The Obvious Child”. And because if can’t be said enough: lube, lube, and MORE LUBE!!

Episode 17 – “Be the Change You Want to See in the Bedroom”

David McGee — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 14:46:56 +0000

The extraordinary sex/relationships geek Reid Mihalko (reidaboutsex.com) is our guest of honor this time! He throws down some great wisdom about how to “date your species”, how to discover what works for you and how best to communicate about what works for you, how to find your “win-wins” and your “dealbreakers”, how he thinks we should be looking at depth (not duration) to measure the value of a connection, and much much more. We address questions including: is polyamory a phase to be “grown out of”? How do you communicate that you are interested in someone sexually and still affirm that you are into them as a whole person? How do people with penises keep from coming too quickly when thrusting inside a partner? And what if your partner is not a “talking about things” sort of person?

A Special Message From Stephanie and Dave

David McGee — Thu, 26 Jun 2014 01:16:21 +0000

Dear SFSP Community, in order to make this thing sustainable in the future, we need to reach out to you! Please listen to this (informative! entertaining!) seven minute message to learn about some super simple ways you can help. And/or check out patreon.com/sexforsmartpeople. Plus, Actual Fox News! Dave’s morning brain! Invisible tote bags!

Episode 16 – SFSP LIVE!: Bring Your Full Self Here

David McGee — Tue, 10 Jun 2014 15:28:14 +0000

A whole crowd of smart sexy people and our guest of honor, the ridiculously vibrant and kind Francisco Ramirez, join us for a live-taping/party at 3B Brooklyn. We start with exciting additions to our mission statement! And then we talk to Francisco about his work as a sexuality consultant with MTV and the U.N., and he shares about the most common questions he got asked when giving free dating advice in public parks. We all address questions from those in the room, including: When you are interested in somebody new, at what point do you share that you are in an open relationship? (Francisco an Stephanie do a saucy role play about this one!) If you are weary of affirmations and platitudes and relationships in general and feel like giving up, should you… give up? And Jillian Buckley joins us to address a question about how to move from feeling pressure to be desirable- to being in touch with what you actually desire and want in your relationships. You’re all invited to a Defectives Party with Francisco. Hear the sexiest possible song about enthusiastic consent from Love Songs for the Rest of Us. Learn what everyone in the room that night thinks is the sexiest. And don’t miss the orgy-of-a-Quickies-segment with guests from former episodes! We so glad and grateful to be in conversation with you all, and we are super proud of this one, yo. Bring your full self here.

Episode 15 – On Longtermness – 49 Years And Counting!

David McGee — Wed, 21 May 2014 04:23:56 +0000

Our dear friends Bobbi and Steve Siglbaum (lifelong activists/educators and all-around amazing people) join us to share their story of nearly 49 years of marriage – what sustains them through hard times, what they feel is most important in a longterm partnership, what they tell their grandkids about love and sex, and much more. Respect + Passion FTW!! We discuss our thoughts on making longterm commitments in light of how most partnerships end up not being longterm in the ways they were originally envisioned to be. And we dig into how much society works to make sure we don’t experience physical pleasure and how to work against that. Stephanie sings Sondheim, Dave talks about homophobia in the NFL. Plus a song rooted in empathy from BONOBONOBONOBO.

Episode 14 – The Good, The Bad, and The Casual

David McGee — Tue, 06 May 2014 18:01:34 +0000

Casual sex can be difficult to talk about rationally because there is so much stigma around having too much of it or, on the flip side, not enough of it. Our guest Dr. Zhana’s research looks empirically at the connections between casual sex and well-being so we can transcend those stigmas and make more clearheaded choices about all this. She shares details about her research and what drives her in her work, and we soapbox about treating partners with respect, however casual or serious the encounter. How do you discern whether or not casual sex is right for you? How do you really get what you want from dating sites like Tinder? Is it better to have one night stands or friends with benefits? These questions and more, plus an anthem about sexuality from a place of wholeness from BONOBONOBONOBO!

Episode 13 – The Power of the Erotic

David McGee — Fri, 18 Apr 2014 03:28:33 +0000

Urban Erotika pioneer and poet Mo Beasley is our guest of honor this time. Mo talks about the significance of erotic art and shares about his journey with catalyzing and building Urban Erotika since 2001. He also talks about his activism around complex ideas of manhood and confronting homophobia in communities of color. We collectively address a question about who should pay for the check on a date, which turns out to be more of a doozy of a question than it first seems. Special bonus segment of poems by Mo, and by Regie Cabico and Slam!! And we round things out with a beautiful story from a listener about how YOU SHOULD TALK TO EACH OTHER ABOUT THINGS saved the day.

Episode 12 – Porn, Power Play, and Sex Work, Oh My!

David McGee — Wed, 02 Apr 2014 15:43:34 +0000

Kink-focused sex worker/educator/sex worker rights activist Sabrina Morgan joins us to unpack society’s discomfort with sex work, sex work vs. human trafficking, sex work as work, and to share stories of helping clients step into their own power. We collectively address listener questions about porn, Stephanie super extra geeks out about feminist porn, and we discuss the quagmire of mainstream porn. At what point, if any, does porn consumption become a problem? How can you make sure the porn you watch was produced in an ethical way? Also, what to do when your partner is more into BDSM than you are? And is it possible for consensual power exchange to be as or more intimate than vanilla sex? Stick around, this is a doozy of an episode!

Episode 11 – The Gentle Honesty Muscle

David McGee — Wed, 19 Mar 2014 01:15:25 +0000

We really dig into ideas about honesty and the complexity of gender identity with our dear old friend Salty Brine. Salty is a hoot and a writer/performer/educator extraordinaire. Is honesty ALWAYS the best policy- even when being honest might hurt someone? What to do when you want to have sex but shut down when faced with the opportunity… or when you don’t enjoy a sexual encounter nearly as much as you thought you would? And is there really nothing fixed about male-ness and female-ness? Plus, pick-up lines based on famous playwrights, “The Revolution Will Be Polite”, and a shout out to gender outlaw Kate Bornstein.

Episode 10 – The First Ever All-Quickies Episode!

David McGee — Mon, 10 Mar 2014 16:32:43 +0000

3 guests! So many quickies! Avital Isaacs (burlesque performer/education coordinator at Babeland Brooklyn), Salty Brine (writer/performer/educator) and Adjoa Tetteh (activist/sex educator) join Stephanie and Dave to throw down about various and sundry things including: what straight white feminist dudes are thinking, cheers to finesse and playfulness in sex, the Nine Taoist Thrusts, casual hook-up etiquette, celebrating fat sexuality, time pressure on having kids, the first kid to have three legal parents, herpes and oral sex safety, herpes is not a death knell, the art of masturbation, mutual masturbation FTW, National Condom Week!, five recent studies about female desire, analogous anatomy, the steaminess of getting to know your partner’s whole entire body, and a request to consider the complexity of your own gender. Whoa nelly. It was good for us. Was it good for you? Let us know.

Episode 9 – Jump Right In!

David McGee — Fri, 21 Feb 2014 20:36:27 +0000

On cunnilingus, jealousy, and fear of the unknown (but not necessarily at the same time). Polyamory/pleasure scholar Antonia Levy joins us to discuss her research into the polyamory movements in the U.S. and Germany, the trouble with poly-normativity, and the complexity of using “polyamory” as a label. We address listener questions about getting comfortable with oral sex, and ways of softening the edges around jealousy when it feels all-consuming. Where is the line between trusting you are just not into something and recognizing a need to work through hang-ups about it? What do you do when you are in a healthy, long-term, open relationship but may never feel comfortable with the thing your partner desires the most? Also, hear Antonia’s thoughts about sex in the context of Muslim culture and Dave’s rant about the book Twilight.

Episode 8 – Empathy is the Sexiest

David McGee — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 20:36:27 +0000

Drumroll, please… religion, racism, AND pronoun usage!! LGBTQ rights organizer/researcher Cole Parke, who embodies empathy so fully it is practically a superpower, joins us to share about their experience organizing between queer communities and communities of faith, and also about how they work against hate and violence toward LGBTQ people in Uganda, Russia, and elsewhere. We collectively address a listener question about reconciling being gay and being Christian, and we share experiences of learning and admitting we’ve been wrong & the beauty of shutting the fuck up and listening. Is it really possible to hold others in love when they have conflicting or even oppressive views toward us? And if someone you are dating holds some racist views, is that a dealbreaker? Stephanie and Dave share their thoughts on Valentine’s Day. Learn why “Jesus likes it rough”, and “glitter is the herpes of the craft world”! This is a long one, but a really really good one, we promise.

Episode 7 – Relationships Are Something You Do, Not Something You Have

David McGee — Thu, 16 Jan 2014 20:36:27 +0000

Sex therapist/psychoanalyst Dr. Michael Aaron is our guest of honor this time. Hear his and our perspectives on things like: What to do when you feel less ravenous about sex than your partner feels? Is it really honestly possible to feel coziness/familiarity and also sexiness/mystery/excitement in a long term partnership? How do you begin to talk to your partner about your interest in power play? (Trigger warning, around the half hour mark, we talk explicitly about rape fantasies.) And did you know that *just this past year*, kinky behavior was officially de-pathologized in clinical psychology terms (we think it is about fucking time)? Plus, Dave is super silly and loopy on NyQuil, and he and Stephanie share their favorite pick-up lines.

Episode 6 – The Talking-to-Cute-Strangers New Year’s Jamboree!

David McGee — Thu, 02 Jan 2014 20:36:27 +0000

Happy 2014! Meet the fabulous sex columnist Twanna Hines, of funkybrownchick.com. We discuss the line between fun flirtation and creepiness, we celebrate the beauty of human connection in general, and we talk about the distinction between open relationships and cheating (spoiler: it’s all about the honesty and communication). Also: role play! There is an actual role play in this one. And Dave and Stephanie check in about the podcast’s mission statement, we share some resources for healing sexual trauma, Dave rants about why ‘Love, Actually’ may be the least romantic film ever made, and Twanna talks about menstruation! Oh yes.

Episode 5 – Are Personal Choices Inherently Political?

David McGee — Sat, 14 Dec 2013 20:36:27 +0000

We are joined by super wise professor/researcher Laura Portwood-Stacer to discuss the complexity of the idea of the personal as the political, including some unpacking of the hefty concepts of heteronormativity and sex positivity. Where’s the line between a political identity that you should be out about and a bedroom practice that you should be discreet about? Is it ever ok for a woman to choose not to come in the context of a casual hook-up, or is that letting guys off the hook? And if a woman who is attracted to women is in her early thirties and has not yet had sex with a woman, has she completely missed the boat? Also, hear Dave’s extended boat metaphors, a love song from BONOBONOBONOBO, and Stephanie and Laura’s Quickies about Jesus. Yes: Jesus!

Episode 4 – 50 Shades of Safer Sex

David McGee — Thu, 05 Dec 2013 20:36:27 +0000

Badass sexuality educator/activist Adjoa Tetteh joins us to discuss ways of shifting the culture around talking about safer sex, how to love your WHOLE body (even and especially when it’s hard), what to do if you find our your spouse has recently had unprotected sex with someone else, what the fuck is actually up with HPV, and much much more. Plus Stephanie’s thoughts on 50 Shades of Grey, Adjoa’s mad props to breast feeding, a song about pleasure during childbirth, and our very first crowd source question!

Episode 3 – Love, as a Verb. Queer, as a Verb. We Like Verbs!

David McGee — Mon, 04 Nov 2013 20:36:27 +0000

The vibrant/wise/internationally-acclaimed theater artist Taylor Mac is here to talk with us about loving and queering and celebrating, oh yes! Sometimes making the bed when you don’t want to is an act of love. Communication does not have to be dramatic! What to do when you have been out with someone a few times but you haven’t heard from them in awhile.This, and much much more. Plus a tour update and song about longterm commitment from Love Songs for the Rest of Us.

Here are some links to things that were mentioned in the episode:

PLAYS

The Good Person of Szechwan by Bertolt Brecht

The Lily’s Revenge by Taylor Mac

The Young Ladies Of by Taylor Mac

PEOPLE

Erik Ehn

Episode 2 – Our Love Is What We Make of It

David McGee — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 20:36:27 +0000

Our guest is the super epic badass, Diana Adams, who is a lawyer for non-traditional families’ rights and longterm activist for sexual freedom between consenting adults. Diana shares about her work in helping people create intentional partnerships and families and gives a sort of State of Sexual-Freedom-Rights Address. Questions/discussions about what to do when you want an open relationship but your partner does not, resources for buying sex toys, ways of figuring out what you are into, and “going with the flow” versus the potential steaminess/profundity of using words to communicate about your desires, and more. Also, tour updates and a feminist anthem from Love Songs for the Rest of Us.

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Here are some links and resources from this episode:

Ideas, legal and otherwise!

Third Parent Adoptions

Legal Mediation

some writing about red/green/yellow as safe words

some writing about talking about safer sex

Organizations!

Unmarried Equality

Woodhull Freedom Foundation

Family Matters Project

BONOBONOBONOBO/ Love Songs For The Rest Of Us

Books!

Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-first Century by Barbara Carrellas

Opening Up by Tristan Taormino, a book about exploring non-monogamy

Places to get sex toys!

Babeland (in store and online, has educators in-store)

adamandeve.com (online)

vibereview.com (online)

Mr. S (in store and online, particularly for people with penises interested in BDSM)

Quotations!

“Single mothers are the largest group of people in poverty in this country– historically in our welfare state the answer is “well just get them married” rather than disentangling financial support from a sexual relationship. We have this historical baggage about women being in a sexual relationship in exchange for financial support during their mothering years and I think that’s dangerous. I’m interested in supporting people while the law is catching up.” -Diana Adams in an interview with 14karatliving.com

“Date your own species.” –Reid Mihalko

Uncategorizable!

Six Tools For Women Who Give Too Much, a teleclass series with Diana Adams and Reid Mihalko

Hysterical Literature, by Clayton Cubitt

Episode 1 – Dave and Stephanie’s Story + Launch Party Extravaganza!

David McGee — Wed, 02 Oct 2013 20:36:27 +0000